


Owing and Seeing

by kyrieanne



Category: Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-28 19:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrieanne/pseuds/kyrieanne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything Lizzie needs to fall in love with William Darcy is right there in her videos. A post-Pemberley story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: This is the first half of a two part story. I’ll post the rest next week. Also, warning there are some swear words in this.

“I don’t need one failed relationship to define me.” - Jane Bennet

When Jane said this Lizzie had been so proud. She made tiny fists and almost did a dance. New Jane was kick-ass.

After she returns from Pemberley Lizzie re-watches all her videos. She doesn’t watch them in order, but randomly trolls the last year of her life like a voyeur. She wants evidence of her own blindness.

She watches Snickerdoodles right after the one about New Jane just to see the marked difference in her sister. But even though New Jane is kick-ass there is still something sad, a carefulness that wasn’t there before, in New Jane. And it isn’t Jane that Lizzie sees. It is herself.

“I don’t get how this person who I thought was a really good guy…” old Lizzie said, “…Bing makes her happy.”

And that is the truth. Bing Lee had made her sister happy. He also made her cry. Jane’s relationship with Bing didn’t define her; Lizzie will always be the first one to trumpet this fact. But that didn’t take away from the fact that Bing Lee had made Jane Bennet happy.

It is strange, Lizzie thinks, to hold such opposing truths in two hands. She is curled up on her bed in what has become her mother’s meditation studio. It is long after midnight. Tonight Lydia curled into Jane’s bed and Jane urged Lizzie to take a break from sleeping on Jane’s floor.

“Go sleep in your bed,” she said, “you haven’t had a decent sleep in weeks. Get one night of peace.”

Lizzie doesn’t want a night of peace. Lydia’s insomnia keeps her company in her own; soothing her baby sister gives her hands something to do. She stretches her arms around Lydia’s shoulders and rubs her scalp. Kitty curls across their laps and keeps their legs warm. It is almost pleasant, this sensation of sisterhood. And when Lydia does sleep Lizzie lies on the floor and stare at the oscillating fan overhead whirling gently. She listens to the things her sister says in her sleep. She keeps track of the nightmares by Lydia’s mutterings and tries to guess what they mean because it is only in her sleep that Lydia actually talks now.

In truth, Lizzie doesn’t want to be alone with her thoughts and feelings. But Jane was being kind and Lizzie can’t come up with a good reason to deny her. So she slips into her old room and for the first time lets herself think about something other Lydia and George Fucking Wickham.

The backlight of the fish tank casts a long shadow and in between the videos Lizzie counts the air bubbles gurgling through the filter.

Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.

It is little considerations like this one that have been doing a strange work in Lizzie since she returned from Pemberley. To hold opposing truths together and still recognize both as true is like air bubbles popping. Something in you busts and you are drowning at the same time.

A relationship, good or bad, did not define Jane, but being in a relationship with Bing had made her happy. And Lizzie thinks that kind of happiness is defining. Jane had loved Bing the way you love someone you marry. Isn’t that why you marry in the first place? You’re saying - that this person and being with this person - makes you happy and you want to be happy like this for as long as possible. You define yourself when you love someone like that. Yet, one relationship - failed or successful - can't define you, can it? How do you let someone matter so much, but not lose yourself in it at the same time?

The questions pop, pop, pop, pop through Lizzie’s head as she watches the fish swim. She curls her feet around the quilts on her bed. It seems silly to worry about Jane and Bing now when everything is such a mess.

The site came down with twenty-three hours left on the countdown. Charlotte texted her the news with gleeful emoticons. Her next text asked Lizzie how they made it happen. But they don’t know how the site came down. They don’t know what happened to Wickham or even if the threat is truly over. It doesn’t stop Lizzie from stealing a bottle of her mother’s cheap champagne and opening it. She and Jane and Lydia toast with dixie cups and curl into each other on Jane’s bed as a period romance play on Lizzie’s laptop.

“This is the best Valentine’s day,” Jane tries, but Lydia and Lizzie just snort.

And then today their father took Lydia to see a lawyer to begin the slow process of a lawsuit.

“It’s the only way to get copies of the videos,” their father said and sighed, “and I don’t think it is wise to hope this young man has had a change of conscience.”

Lizzie wishes her father would call him what he was, a fucking fuck, but the fury is left to Lydia.

“I am going to break him,” she says. Even in the deaden tone she’s using these days the words are murderous.

“So?” Lizzie hovered when they get back from the lawyer’s.

Lydia slipped by and stole upstairs. Her bedroom door cracked with a loud bang. It only took the span of a minute to hear Lydia throwing things against the wall of her bedroom. Lizzie is pretty sure she hears a book and then a picture frame. The glass shatters and rains down the wall.

Her father sunk down into his chair in the living room and rubbed both temples. Lizzie looked at the stairs. She should go to Lydia, but then she heard Jane knocking softly on the door and Lizzie turned back to her father.

“So?”

“Problems don’t disappear overnight, Lizzie,” he said, “It will take months to take statements, track this man down, and hopefully destroy all the copies.”

“Months means money, doesn’t it?”

“It does.”

Lizzie swallowed hard, “How are -,”

“That isn’t your concern,” he said quickly, “I am her father and it is my duty to protect her. Your job is to be her sister.”

It keeps Lizzie awake tonight thinking about how they are going to pay for this. She thinks about credit scores and whether she and Jane could take out enough credit cards to keep up with the bills. She thinks about Lydia, who is so furious she can’t even begin to cry about the part where her heart was broken. She thinks about how her father assured her, in his tired way, not to worry. She can’t help but worry. It is in her nature. She gets that from her mother. She thinks about Jane who in the last year has lost her job and a guy who made her really happy. She thinks about how happy she had been at Pemberley and her schooling which is really just a giant question mark at this point. She starts to think of Darcy, but stops her self.

Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.

One by one, the things Lizzie thought she knew burst and there is nothing she can do to stop it.

***

“Hopefully people will see us for who we really are and not by what we do.” - Gigi Darcy

In the morning, Lizzie re-watches her last Q&A video before she even gets out of bed. That easy day with Gigi Darcy seems so far away now. To think just a few Saturdays ago they were having lunch and poking around boutiques. She remembers it the way you do a dream, vaguely and acutely at the same time.

She has the urge to call Gigi right then, but she doesn’t. She hasn’t spoken to either of the Darcy’s since the moment Darcy left that office. He sent Mrs. Reynolds down to give Lizzie her plane ticket and escort her to a car. The elderly woman patted Lizzie twice on the hand and told her how sorry Mr. Darcy was he couldn’t see her off himself. He suddenly got called away.

But Lizzie got the message loud and clear. Darcy was nothing but deliberate in his actions. By handing her off to his assistant he closed the door any intimacy between them. He wished her well, but there was too much baggage around Lizzie now. He had to think about Gigi and himself. They could not become embroiled with George Wickham all over again. It would be like re-injurying old wounds and let them bleed until they fester. Lizzie got it even if it hurt her heart.

“Lizzie!” Jane calls out from the bottom of the stairs, “you’ve got packages!”

She slips from bed, leaving the video paused on Gigi’s face. At the door she stops and goes back to close the lid of her computer. There is no reason to keep reminding herself of a what could have been.

***

“You can’t predict happiness. Too many variables.” - Charlotte Lu

The packages turn out to be her things, boxed neatly up, from Pemberley. Lizzie re-watches her fight with Charlotte as she unpacks.

It hurts her heart to re-watch her friend’s resignation even though Lizzie knows the ending turned out happy. She doesn’t know why she is putting herself through this except that she wants to see where so many things this year went woefully wrong. She wants to pick up the threads and untangle them, to right the worlds of everyone cares about. In an instinctual way she feels like the videos hold the answer.

“Lizzie?” Lydia slips into Lizzie’s room and crawls onto the bed among Lizzie’s books and t-shirts.

“Yeah?”

“Were you going to say yes?”

“What?”

“To Darcy. Were you going to say yes to go out with him before you got Charlotte’s phone call?”

Lizzie’s back is to her sister. She stands in doorway to her closet and grips the hanger in her hands tight, “You watched my videos?”

“Why shouldn’t I watch your videos?” Lydia sounds small when she says it.

Because they prove that instead of being your sister I was somewhere else. I was happy somewhere else when you needed me. Lizzie wants to say this, but she doesn’t. She turns around and sinks onto the bed next to Lydia.

“I watched your videos,” Lizzie says. She wants to change the subject.

Her sister picks at a stray thread on Lizzie’s quilt, “I don’t want to talk about those.”

“Oh, okay. We don’t have to talk.”

There is a beat and then, “So would you have said yes?”

Lizzie chews on her bottom lip, “I think so, but now I don’t know.”

“What changed?”

Lizzie lifts a shoulder. She wants to shrug it away. This isn’t the type of thing she talks about with Lydia. Maybe Jane or Charlotte, but never Lydia. But she is trying to listen more and see more clearly.

“He sent his secretary to see me down to the car,” she says.

“What?”

“After he left the room he sent his secretary. She said he was called away on important business.”

“And that changed your mind?”

“I thought I would have heard something from him. You know, checking in to see how things are given…” Lizzie trails off, but Lydia just blinks at her and Lizzie finishes, “given his history with Wickham and Gigi’s history. I thought he might be a little invested in how things turned out. But I haven’t heard from either of them. I haven’t even heard from Fitz. It is like Bing all over again. I don’t get how you can just not say goodbye.”

Lydia looks down at Lizzie’s hand and inches toward it until their fingers are interlaced, “I’m sorry I ruined it. I know you were happy at Pemberley.”

“You didn’t ruin anything.”

“I did. You were happy and now you’re not.”

“If something like this burst that happiness so quickly then it wasn’t much to begin with,” Lizzie lays all the way down so they are supine together. Each sister on her side in the twin bed. It reminds Lizzie of when they were little and shared a big double bed in hotel rooms. Jane always slept peacefully, but Lizzie and Lydia kicked each other and stole the covers.

“You know you can like him and hate him at the same time,” Lydia says, “That’s how I feel about George.”

Lizzie glances at the fish tank where the air bubbles pop, pop, pop.

“I don’t hate William Darcy,” Lizzie says slowly, “he is a good man. Even if I’m disappointed I understand him.”

“So you love him?”

“I think I could have loved him,” something turns over in Lizzie’s chest when she says it. It is an oh shit sensation as she realizes the truth as she gives it breath, “I think I was starting to, I don’t know, feel something.”

“But if he asked you out now you would say no?”

Here Lizzie looks anywhere but at Lydia, “There is too much baggage now,” she says, “I mean how many times can we keep missing each other before it becomes obvious we’re not meant to be? If it hasn’t worked by now then it will never work.”

“I feel like you’re trying to predict something that can’t be guaranteed.”

It is kind of like what Charlotte said, but different. In Charlotte it was like an admission to an overwhelming truth, that life was random and there was no guarantee of success. But from Lydia it sounds like a warning. Don’t be fooled into thinking something isn’t worth trying just because there isn’t a guarantee.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Lizzie says and Lydia nods.

“Okay,” she grins, “do you want to go do sock slides in the hall? I bet if we team up we can get Jane and Mom to do them with us.”

Lizzie can’t help but laugh right then. She loves her sister so much.

***

“Lizzie, I’ll be right there,” Lydia calls out, “I gotta get my slickest socks.”

She shuts the door to her room and takes a deep breath before dialing the number. She hasn’t put his name into the phone because it feels weird to have William Darcy in her phone.

He picks up before the end of the first ring.

“Lydia?”

“Listen Darcy, I’m going to help you.”

“Help me?”

“Yeah,” Lydia finds the voice she used to have, the one that enunciated and didn’t tremble, “I owe you big time and I want to repay that -,”

“Lydia, I told you there is no debt to me. You were vulnerable to Wickham because I never exposed him for the type of man he is.”

“NO!” Lydia has to hiss it, but she makes sure her voice is steady even if she has to press on her stomach to do so, “No. No. No. You don’t get to own what happened to me just like you don’t get to fix it without me owing you.”

“I merely contributed the means. You are the one holding him accountable.”

“Ugh, you are such a wet sock. Listen, I get all the girl-empowerment stuff. I’m talking about being even. I need us to be even,” Lydia closes her eyes. What Darcy was and is doing for her keeps her up at night. Again, she forces her voice to be stronger than she feels, “I’m going to help you because heartbreak and recovery is my speciality,” she smiles, “besides I am way better at plotting revenge.”

“Revenge on whom?”

“George,” Lydia says, “don’t they say success is the best revenge?”

“I thought they said revenge is the best revenge.”

“That’s for petty people,” Lydia says, “It’s totes better to be happy than vindictive.”

Besides, she thinks, revenge is reserved for her.Darcy can settle for success.

“And you’re going to help me be happy by doing what?”

Lydia laughs, “I’m going to help you get the girl, ” she laughs again, but this time it is genuine, “We’ll be Team Dydia…or Larcy… We may need to rethink our shipper name.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything Lizzie needs to fall in love with William Darcy is in her videos. A post-Pemberley story.

“Well, what is life if you an’t have a little fun?” - Fitz 

Lizzie misses Pemberley. She admits it to herself in the shower. When she says it aloud she feels almost buoyant. It is as if just by admitting it she can more easily accept that she isn’t there anymore. She can begin to make peace with the fact that her life is in standstill. Jane’s life is too. And especially Lydia’s. 

The Wickham situation is with them every day. There are phone calls between her father and lawyer. Lydia has to go back to the law firm twice in order to retell her story to a line up of lawyers. They have to establish that she in no way gave permission for the video to be released. Lizzie rails that hearing Lydia’s story once isn’t enough. 

“They’re trying to catch any inconsistencies,” her father explains, “when it is her word against his they have to ensure her story does not waver.” 

“It is unfair.” 

His shoulders slump, “Everything about this is unfair.” 

“I knew he was filming,” she whispers one night. The three girls sleep in Jane’s room. Lizzie reaches up from her air mattress on the floor and grips onto the hand Lydia hangs off the bed. She imagines Jane grabs the other one, “that is the part that I hate the most. I knew he was filming but I was naive enough to think it was just for him. That it would be something special we did together. 

“It isn’t foolish to think that,” Lizzie says, “Couples make videos all the time.” 

“You trusted him Lydia,” Jane says, “you had every reason to trust him with that too.” 

Lydia is quiet for a long time, but then she says “We all know even if either of you loved a guy you would have never done something like that.” 

Jane doesn’t say anything and neither does Lizzie. She is pretty sure Lydia is right. She can’t say she would never do it, but Lizzie is enough of a control freak and naturally suspicious of people. She has a hard time imagining herself trusting anyone enough to put something so private into their hands and out of her own. 

“Trust is a gift, Lydia,” Lizzie says, “to be able to trust people is a strength. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. 

The next morning she watches all her videos with Fitz because they make her smile. 

And the thing he says about having fun inspires Lizzie to drag Lydia and Jane to Carter’s. She buys them all shots and begs Lydia into an epic round of Dance, Dance Revolution. Lydia loses the first round, but Lizzie bumps her shoulder and dares her to actually try. 

“Or are you admitting I’m better than you?” she says. 

Lydia’s nostrils flare, “Loser has to go with Mom to the grocery store at 4:00 a.m. on Saturday.” 

“Deal.” 

“Oh, it’s on!” 

When the music starts up, Lydia’s feet bounce in step to the music. She hits light after light as the beat pounds in their ears. Jane stands next to Lizzie and leans into her. 

“I’m happy, Lizzie,” she says. Lydia raises her arms above her head and lets out of girlish scream. It turns heads in the bar, but Lizzie doesn’t flush with embarrassment like she would have before.

“I’m happy too,” Lizzie says to Jane and together they raise their arms over their heads and dance - just the three Bennet sisters - to the music reverberating into their ribs. 

*** 

“I was thinking Team Totes Adorbs,” Lydia tucks the phone under her chin. She lays on her bed and kicks her feet up into the air. 

“Lydia, I do not understand what you are talking about,” Darcy says.

“Our shipper team name. Lizzie’s fans love giving names to people. Fitz and Gigi were Figi. Bing and Jane were Jing…” 

“I run a company,” he sighs, “I don’t belong to…shipper names.” 

Lydia sits up, “We need to talk about is why you take yourself so seriously.” 

“I am a serious person because -,” 

“Ugh, I don’t care why. I’m just saying I’ve seen the videos. Lizzie started liking you when you were willing to make fun of yourself. She appreciates the part of you that can laugh. We need to use that.” 

Another sigh, “What is your plan?” 

“First, we need to get Lizzie to talk about you on camera.” 

“I don’t like the idea of manipulating her feelings into the public sphere.” 

“Have you not been watching all year? Lizzie uses those videos to admit things she won’t admit otherwise. I’m thinking Charlotte can help us there. She’d totally be all over this plan.” 

And another sigh, “And then?” 

“You need to tell Bing the truth about how you broke up him and Jane.” 

“I know,” his voice is tight, “I have been putting it off, but I know.” 

Lydia is surprised by the admission. She was pretty sure he would fight her on that one. 

“Ideally, the truth will send Bing running back to Jane asking for forgiveness.” 

“What does he have to ask for forgiveness for?” 

“He just left! No explanation. You didn’t make him do that. That is on him.” 

“Fair enough,” Lydia hears muffled voices on Darcy’s end of the line. He says something to the voice and then he is back, “I’ll do my part and you do yours. Then we’ll reconvene and assess.” 

“You totally talk like a robot.” 

“Goodbye, Lydia.” 

“Team Totes Adorbs out!” 

*** 

“Sometimes I have difficulty explaining myself.” - Darcy 

Charlotte warns Lizzie they need to talk about Darcy. As the Wickham drama calms down, she says, the viewers are chomping on the bit to hear Lizzie talk about Darcy. 

Lizzie snaps that the Wickham drama has not calmed down. Lydia still sleeps with her or Jane. She still lapses into long silences. The other night she raged at the dinner table when Jane interrupted her. She pushed back her chair and screamed that all of them could just leave her alone because she was better off alone anyways. There may be sock slides and shopping trips and long afternoons watching period romances, but there are plenty of other moments when Lydia is not alright. 

“Still, I think you need to talk about Darcy. Even if just to give it some closure,” Charlotte says. 

“I have difficulty explaining it,” Lizzie counters.

“Isn’t that what Darcy said once?” 

She goes back to the Darcy videos. Watches them on a binge alone in her room. She tries to be analytical about them and understand how this is supposed to end. If it were a story, how would she write it? 

Her first answer is the obvious one: happily ever after. She is a sucker for the girl getting the guy at the end. She likes happily ever after. 

Her second answer is the honest one: the story isn’t about Darcy any more than it is about her sisters or Charlotte. These are her diaries and therefore her story. They are the Lizzie Bennet Diaries. As she re-watches all her videos Lizzie is able to see herself with new eyes. She missed the Lydia right in front of her. She was wrong about Darcy. She was completely surprised by Pemberley. Over and over the evidence lines up to one very true fact: Lizzie Bennet does not know everything. 

It is a ridiculous lesson to have to learn, but Lizzie is okay with that. She needed to learn it. She will probably spend the rest of her life re-learning it because epiphanies don’t last forever. We’re human and we stumble into the same mistakes time and time. The important thing is each time we fall down we learn a little bit about how to pick ourselves back up. 

Watching her videos teaches Lizzie a lot about picking herself back up. She is learning how to be a better sister. She has learned how to be a better friend. And when it comes to William Darcy, well, he teaches her how to be a better human being. Knowing him has taught her about judgement. It taught her about second chances and how important it is to give them as well as ask for them. 

So when Charlotte asks her - in front of the camera - about Darcy Lizzie is honest. She has difficulty explaining herself when it comes to Darcy. She talks about happy endings and how that isn’t real life because life keeps going. She licks her lips, looks straight into the camera, and says, “My name is Lizzie Bennet and I am proud to count William Darcy as my friend.” 

It is the most honest thing she can say. 

***

“She said friend, Lydia. Friend. I have to accept that is the way she feels,” Darcy says. 

Lydia paces the backyard. Somewhere inside Lizzie and Jane is searching for her. They want to go the Country Club or bake cookies or whatever was next in their Lydia-Happiness-Reclamation plan. She balls her hands into fists, “That’s because she’s hurt. She thinks there is too much baggage on her with all the Wickham drama.” 

“That is preposterous.”

“Exactly! You need to trust me.” 

He sounds frustrated, “I have to respect her feelings.” 

Lydia takes a deep breath to steady her voice. He seriously is infuriating, “Energetic. You said I was energetic.” 

“I…I…I was wrong.” 

“No,” she says, “you were right. I am energetic. I am loud and vivacious. You were wrong about it being a bad thing. It can cause people to misjudge me, but being energetic is not a bad thing. You didn’t misjudge me. You misjudged the value of me.” 

“I know. I am very sorry.” 

“Then consider that maybe I know my sister better than you do. That I am the one here. I have listened to her talk about you and trust me…she does not think of you as just a friend.” 

“She talks about me?” She can hear the smile in his voice. 

Lydia rolls her eyes. It will be a miracle if these two don’t end up perpetually single. She will be a miracle worker if this works, “Yes. But I’m not telling you what she says. Sisterly confidences. But trust me.” 

“Okay. I will trust you.” 

“Good. Now do your part and get Bing Lee to get his ass over here and apologize to Jane. Team Totes Adorbs out.” 

“I will never get what that means.” 

***

“I believe you have to give people the benefit of doubt.” - Bing Lee 

Lizzie finally feels like her life is finding a rhythm. Then Bing Lee happens. She catches it on camera by pure accident. 

Lydia asks if she can film a video with Lizzie. She makes a really big deal that it has to be that morning and they have to film in the den. 

“But I don’t really have anything to say,” Lizzie protests. 

“We can talk about school. Yeah. Your audience likes boring stuff like that,” Lydia says.

“And why do you want to be in a video about my thesis?” 

“Cause you need someone to play Dr. Gardner. We can reenact the meeting you had with her yesterday.” 

“But you’ve never even met Dr. Gardner. How can you impersonate her?” 

“Lizzie, just go with it. Okay?” 

After all that, Lydia jumps up half way through the taping. Her phone buzzes and she is out of the frame. She tugs Lizzie with her, out of the den and up the stairs. 

“Lydia…what is wrong with you?” 

“I…uh…um just couldn’t do it. You know the whole camera thing. It’s too soon. Can’t do it.” 

And then she asks if Lizzie has any book recommendations. She really wants to read more. They have a thirty minute conversation about it. It really is a strange morning. 

But not as strange as what Lizzie sees on the video when she goes to retrieve her camera. The house is oddly quiet. It makes sense that her parents are at work, but Jane is gone even though her car is still here. Though once she sees the footage things begin to fall into place:

You hear a knock on the door and Jane’s footsteps on the tile in the foyer. You hear her squeak Bing’s name and him ask if he can come in. A moment later their torsos appear in frame. They stand a foot from each other and both waver on their feet as if they are nervous. 

“Darcy told me everything,” Bing starts, “I watched the videos. I saw all of it. Snickerdoodles and everything.” 

“Oh…okay.” 

“He and Caroline convinced me you didn’t care for me as much as I did you. They told me I was just some summer fling to you. Caroline had this long story about how you spent my birthday flirting with my college buddies.” 

“And you believed them?” 

“I didn’t give you the benefit of doubt. I was foolish.” 

You hear the catch in Jane’s voice, “But why would you even doubt my feelings for you. Why would you need to give me the benefit of doubt at all? That’s what I can’t understand.” 

“I am not good at trusting my own opinions.” 

“I don’t need excuses. Even reasonable ones. I need…” 

“An apology. A true one. And that is why I am here,” there is a pause and the audience easily imagines the expression on Bing’s face. It is an embarrassment of earnestness, “Jane Bennet, I am sorry. I am sorry that I did not trust you or what we had. I am sorry for the way I left and not coming back on my own. I am sorry it took Darcy’s confession to get my head out of my ass. I am profoundly sorry.” 

“Apology accepted.” She whispers it. 

They are still a foot apart, but her hand reaches out and you see Bing interlace his fingers with hers. 

“I have missed you,” Jane says, “Why don’t we go somewhere and talk?”

That night Lizzie shows Jane the raw footage. She sees the happiness in Jane’s eyes as she watches it. They are like the blue of a reflecting pool. The next morning Lizzie gets a text from Bing asking her if she will upload the video. Jane agrees and Lizzie does. She re-watches her own video, thins her lips, and thinks about how beautiful happiness looks. 

***

Text from Gigi Darcy to Lydia Bennet: 

Can I be on Team Totes Adorbs?

Response: 

Absolutely. In fact, I have a favor to ask…

*** 

“I would do anything for the preservation of my family.” - Caroline Lee

On the heels of Bing comes Caroline. 

Lizzie is in the middle of re-filming the video about her thesis project when Caroline just walks into the den. 

“Oh good. You’re filming. That’ll make this easier.” she says. 

“Wha…what are you doing here?” Lizzie stands up, but Caroline pushes her down and sits next to her. 

She smiles for the camera because she is Caroline. She will always smile for the camera, “I came with Bing.”

“But why are you in my house?” 

“Because you and I have to talk.” 

“I don’t really want to do this.” 

“Too bad,” Caroline says, “I want to say something and I want to say it on camera.” 

“Um, okay…no promises I will post it until after I hear you out.” 

“Trust me, you will want to post this,” Caroline smoothes down her hair and looks straight at the camera, “My name is Caroline Lee and I am going to explain a few things.” 

*** 

Text from Caroline Lee to Gigi Darcy: 

I did it. I told my side of the story. 

Text from Gigi Darcy to Caroline Lee: 

Did she believe you? 

Text from Caroline Lee to Gigi Darcy: 

That I did it because I thought I was helping my brother? Yes. That I am not in love with your brother? I don’t know. 

Text from Gigi Darcy to Caroline Lee: 

But you asked her if she was in love with William, right?” 

Text from Caroline Lee to Gigi Darcy: 

Yes and she would not answer. Hope it helps. I’m heading to the Bahamas tomorrow. Catch up soon? 

Text from Gigi Darcy to Caroline Lee: 

Totally. Thanks! You should pack that dress you bought last time we went shopping. It is hot on you.

*** 

“Heartbreak and recovery is my speciality. Plus I am way better at plotting revenge than her.” - Lydia Bennet 

Lydia finds Lizzie in her bedroom. Her little sister twists her hands and stands in the doorway. 

“Lizzie?” 

Since Lizzie doesn’t have a desk anymore she has taken residence on her bed. Her thesis notes are fanned out in front of her. The tea Jane brought her four hours ago has gone cold. 

“Hey,” Lizzie looks up. Her glasses slide down her nose and she pushes them back up, “What’s going on?” 

“I need to ask a favor.” 

“Sure.” 

“I need you to let me make a video to George Wickham,” Lydia takes two steps into the room, but stops, “and I need you to let Gigi Darcy help.” 

“Lydia, I don’t think that is a good idea,” Lizzie stutters, “I mean you’re still pretty fragile.” 

“No. I need to do this. Dad says we’ll probably never see a court room. It’ll get settled by lawyers and I’ll never actually get to face him.” 

“That is for the best.” 

“Don’t tell me what is for the best!” 

Lizzie touches her throat. She re-watched all of the videos of her and Lydia again just this morning. She has gotten used to re-watching them and finding a new nugget of truth in them. Bits and pieces she missed the first time. She imagines she will always continue to find new dimensions to the people in her life. In herself. 

“Alright,” Lizzie says slowly, “you’re right. But I don’t know about Gigi. I haven’t spoken to her since I left Pemberley.” 

Lydia holds up her phone, “She texted me right after the website came down. We’ve talked a few times.” 

“And she wants to do this?” 

Lydia sinks on Lizzie’s bed. She doesn’t see that she is wrinkling Lizzie’s notes, spilling them onto the bed, and Lizzie fights not to shout, “You’re getting things out of order!” She holds back because it feels like a Darcyism and she doesn’t really want to think about him right now. 

“She was the one who came up with how we’d do it.” 

“And that is?” 

“Domino.” 

“What’s Domino?” 

Lydia smiles a small smile. She takes Lizzie’s computer and opens a browser window. Lizzie looks down when Lydia opens up the Pemberley website. She doesn’t see Lydia log in. If she had it would have occurred to her to ask how Lydia had a password to Pemberley’s backdoor database. 

“Domino is an app that will let Gigi video conference in,” Lydia explains. There are a few swift clicks and then a new application maximizes across Lizzie’s screen. Lydia scoots further onto the bed, sends even more notes fluttering to the floor, and settles next to Lizzie. 

“You want to make it now?” 

“Why wait?” 

Lydia gets Lizzie’s account set up and explains how Domino auto-edits and auto-uploads content. Her brow furrows. The whole thing seemed to take the soul out of making videos. What fun was there if the computer did all the work? 

But then she is receiving a call and Gigi Darcy’s face appears on her screen. 

“Hey, Lizzie!” she waves. 

Lizzie gulps, “Um, hi. Are you sure you both want to do this?” 

Gigi looks at Lydia, who nods. Gigi continues, “George manipulated us. This is us taking back a little of what he took.” 

Lizzie frowns, “I just want to say one more time neither of you have to do this and you certainly don’t have to do it on the Internet.” 

“We want to,” Gigi says, “because we think it is an important story to tell.” 

“Besides,” Lydia says, “it is important to tell stories that scare us. Those are the ones that need to be told.” 

Lizzie bites her lip. For some strange reason she thinks of what Darcy said after he watched her videos, “I don’t care about that…” 

If he could see past all the terrible things she said about him and reach the other side still caring about her then Lizzie can do it with herself. She can stop hesitating and begin to learn to trust herself again. And trusting herself meant trusting the people around her. None of them are going to get it perfect, but what matters is they keep trying to do better. Lydia and Gigi are trying to move past what happened to them and mine it for good. The least Lizzie can do is trust them with themselves. 

“Okay,” she sighs, “who wants to start? I usually come up with a My name is Lizzie Bennet… line.” 

Gigi beams, “Lydia I think you had the best idea.” 

Lydia sits up straight. She clears her throat, smoothes her hair, and says in a steady, strong voice, “My name is Lydia Bennet and I’m here to tell George Wickham to eat your peach you douche bag.” 

*** 

After they finish the video, Gigi is gone before Lizzie can ask her anything. The questions are jammed up in her throat and she really just wants Lydia to leave so she can be alone. She is glad that Jane is with Bing again and she is happy that Lydia has begun to heal. Really, she is. But all Lizzie has are messed piles of notes on a thesis she doesn’t know if she will ever finish. She isn’t going to graduate on time and she feels unmoored from her own life. She is alone in some sort of holding pattern. 

Lydia hands Lizzie’s computer back to her. Her sister is at the door before Lizzie realizes what is on the screen. 

Pemberley Digital’s Youtube channel. 

Lined up are a set of videos of Gigi and Darcy and Fitz. They date from the day after Lizzie left Pemberley. 

“Lydia, what are these?” Lizzie stammers. She looks between her screen and her sister.

Lydia smiles, “They’re good stuff. You should watch. It might be…illuminating.” 

*** 

When Lydia wakes up the next morning Lizzie is gone. 

Jane is making pancakes, flipping them, and humming to herself. Lydia shuffles into the kitchen in her favorite purple bathrobe, yawns, and tries to steal one off the top of the pile. Jane slaps her hand away. 

“Wait until everything is ready,” she says. 

“Where’s Lizzie?” 

“I took her to the airport before dawn,” Jane looks over her shoulder and smiles, “You’re totally sneaky you know that, right? Bing told me everything.” 

“I’m the Bennet sister who gets things done,” Lydia leans against the counter. She taps a message to William Darcy:

Eagle is flying your way. 

His response: 

I never understand half the things you say.

Her reply: 

You’ll get it in a few hours. Team Totes Adorbs out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: I may write a coda of Lizzie going to Darcy if inspiration strikes.

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Part two will be coming next week! Let me know what you think!


End file.
